“For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
for those of us who cannot indulge
who love in doorways coming and going
Audre Lorde, A Litany for Survival
This plan is for when a community member is experiencing deep emotional pain, overwhelming thoughts, or feelings of hopelessness. It’s centered around safety, relying on personal and community support systems, without involving police or psychiatric services that could put them in further danger. If emergency services are available in your country and you believe that there is minimal threat of danger to the person, do not discourage them from using those as well. This is for people who have self-assessed that they would not use such services because of previous experiences or urgent fears of (anti-gay/anti-trans/anti-Black) violence within institutions.
1. Recognizing When You Need Support
Think of early warning signs when you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Write down when you’re likely to need support:
- Thoughts or feelings you’ve noticed:
e.g., overwhelming sadness, feeling like a burden, isolation, trouble sleeping, self-harm urges, etc. - Physical sensations:
e.g., chest tightness, headaches, fatigue, etc. - Environmental triggers:
e.g., feeling unsafe in certain spaces, reminders of trauma, social rejection, etc.
2. Community Care & Safe Spaces
Identify safe and supportive people and places in your community where you can seek refuge or help.
- Chosen People to Reach Out To:
Identify those in your life who will listen without judgment and provide support.- Who can come to you immediately:
Name/Contact details of the person(s) who live nearby and can come quickly.
- Who can talk things through with you:
Name/Contact of someone who is a good listener or provides emotional support over the phone or text.
- Online Communities:
If you cannot reach someone in person, list any online groups or chat services you can turn to.
- Who can come to you immediately:
- Environments that You Find Grounding:
Identify public or group spaces that make you feel comfortable, hopeful, grateful or nostalgic.
- What is a public or group space that feels good to be in?
Name it here and its opening hours
- Which neighbor or community member lives nearby and would provide short term refuge?
Name/Contact details of the person(s) who live nearby
3. Actions to Ground Yourself
When overwhelming thoughts come, here are steps you can take to ground yourself:
- Breathing exercises:
Slow down your breath. Try to inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, and exhale for 4. Release your breath loudly to combat racing thoughts. Or try other methods. - Physical movement:
Stretch, walk around your home, touch something comforting like a soft blanket, etc. - Mantras or words that help you refocus:
Write down words or affirmations that remind you that this moment will pass.
4. Avoid Dangerous Environments or Situations
In places where authorities criminalize sexuality or gender, it’s important to avoid any scenarios where involving the police or psychiatric services would harm you.
- What places or people should you avoid?
e.g., hospitals where they may call authorities, or people who may escalate the situation. - If someone threatens to call police or psychiatric services on you, what can you say/do to redirect or protect yourself?
Plan a response, such as asking them to reach out to someone in your community instead.
5. Emergency Alternatives
Identify alternatives to state-based emergency services (such as 911 or police), focusing on community-based support.
- Crisis Text Line Alternatives:
International or online helplines that are confidential and do not involve law enforcement. - Peer support networks:
List any local or international LGBTQIA+ peer support groups or mutual aid networks you can call or text for support.
6. Aftercare: What Makes You Feel Safe?
It’s important to rest and recover after intense emotions. Write down what makes you feel safe after a crisis:
- Comforting routines:
List small actions you can take after a difficult time, like listening to a certain song, making tea, or talking to someone you trust.
7. Reaching Out for Support Without Explaining Yourself
Share this plan with your trusted people, so they know how to respond when you reach out. You don’t have to explain everything in a crisis—just let them know that you need support.
By grounding this plan in community care and shared trust, you can build safety around yourself, without relying on systems that might not have your best interest at heart. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone.
“…And when the sun rises we are afraid
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
when we are loved we are afraid
when we are alone we are afraid
and when we speak we are afraid
we were never meant to survive”
-Audre Lorde, A Litany for Survival